Fall Schmall… The Winter 2010 TV schedule is cuckoo-bananas! Ducky and GMMR sat down, screeners in hand, mapped out all the premiere dates and dished the dirt on all the new and returning shows.

What did we think of the first 5 episodes of CHUCK Season 3? What about the new season of 24 featuring Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff)? What about new shows like LIFE UNEXPECTED, THE DEEP END, CAPRICA, HAPPY TOWN and HUMAN TARGET?

Want to know when DAMAGES, LOST, SOUTHLAND, GLEE and NURSE JACKIE return? Want to know how long you have to wait for Lauren Graham to shine in PARENTHOOD? How many more weeks until the return of TV Talk’s recurring listener fave “2 Idiots Talk LOST”?

Find all this out and more as we pour over everything Winter 2010 has to offer us TV fanatics! Click here to listen to the latest TV Talk Podcast!

The new Fall TV season is less than a week away and while I’ve been busy trying to watch all the new pilots I have to say that I’m not super excited about the new crop of shows. Bummer huh?

Want to know when everything premieres? Check out our Fall TV 2009 Premiere Date list!

My podcasting partner in crime GMMR and I have been trying to schedule time to talk Fall TV and we hope to have all of the network podcasts up in the next week so hold tight. We’ve posted our thoughts on the new shows for The CW so please listen to that podcast to see what we love and/or hate.

In the meantime here are the shows I plan on watching this Fall. Shows in BLUE are what I plan on watching LIVE or DVR’d. Shows in PINK are ones that I will have to catch online or via iTunes.

MONDAY (click to enlarge)

Monday’s have traditionally been a pretty busy night of TV viewing for me. However, this year it’s looking pretty open.

I’m annoyed that the power hour that started my night of television last year has been split up because BIG BANG THEORY and HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER was a partnership made in heaven. I’ll be interested to see what happens to BBT at such a late hour (and I hope to remember its on that late) and if I feel like the vibe is the same without it’s partner.

Another year, another chance to officially drop HEROES. Last year I decided to watch then within 5 episodes I dropped that lame duck for the 2nd time in 3 seasons. Going into Season 4, I’ve vowed to not even give it a single frame of consideration. Will. Not. Watch!

After a brief vacation from the kids on the Upper East Side, a summer marathon has renewed my love for all things GOSSIP GIRL. That doesn’t mean I won’t get annoyed with the repetitive storylines and the lame quick-wrap secondary storylines – it just means I’m excited for the show to return and kick some ass! Let’s not fuck it up Savage & Schwartz.

If you’re interested in ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE starring Jenna Elfman, Ashley Jensen and Grant Show you should watch. It’s a very traditional sitcom and paired with TWO AND A HALF MEN, I think it’s going to be a huge hit. I just don’t see myself watching it week to week. The pilot is cute, Elfman is adorable and the premise is fun. Mark my words, this is one of the biggest new shows in 09.

TUESDAY (click to enlarge)

Believe it or not, I’m only watching two shows on Tuesday’s but hell if that isn’t four frakkin’ hours of television.

I’m a total sucker for the weight loss and emotional meltdowns of THE BIGGEST LOSER so there’s no chance I’m not watching Bob and Jillian bust some fatties once again. Love that damn show.

Obviously you know I’m a huge SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE junkie so that’s a no brainer – or is it? I’ve been very vocal about how I don’t love the idea of bringing SYTYCD to the Fall. I love having it as my summer obsession because I have less shows to watch in the summertime which means more time for a Paso Doble or two. Pushing it on us in the middle of the onslaught of new and returning shows seems cruel and I hate that it’s going to take up two hours of my Fall TV schedule. There… I’ve said it.

I’m not gonna lie – from time to time I will probably watch The CW’s reboot of MELROSE PLACE. I actually enjoyed the pilot episode. It’s 100% better than I expected it to be and surely my partner Jon will want to pop in and out of that salacious complex.

*If you’re wondering about BETTER OFF TED, don’t worry its coming back after DwtS ends (which isn’t soon enough)!

**ABC’s reboot of V starts November 3rd at 8pm (shitty time slot for a show that is not suited for 8pm) and I’m super excited. I loved the original as a kid and I really enjoyed the pilot for the remake. Plus, it’s got Elizabeth Mitchell, Alan Tudyk and Scott Wolf!

WEDNESDAY (click to enlarge)

Wednesday night is really the only night I’m giving new shows a chance at making it into my live/dvr rotation.

SYTYCD has it’s results show at 8pm and that’s followed by GLEE (which we all know I flippin’ heart). It’s a great one-two punch and I’m really looking forward to Wednesday’s – thanks FOX!

Over on ABC, my favorite new comedy, MODERN FAMILY gets paired up with the pretty good COUGAR TOWN. Trust me when I tell you to tune in to MODERN FAMILY. The pilot has laugh out loud funny jokes throughout and one of the best, THE BEST, things I’ve ever seen in the final few minutes. COUGAR TOWN is fun, a little dirty and honestly who doesn’t love having Courtney Cox, Busy Phillips and Josh Hopkins back on their screens?

EASTWICK is not as bad as you think it might be. The hour grew on me as it progressed and I’m willing to give it a couple weeks which is more than I can say for many of the new shows this Fall.

More Fall 2009 shows after the jump… (more…)

Yesterday, FOX announced their Fall 2009/Midseason 2010 lineup and while I’m super excited to see more SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE and FRINGE I don’t like their strategy. SYTYCD is my show, you know I love it more than anything but really do I need it in the Fall? I know their looking for their Fall IDOL but I’m not gonna have time to watch these dancers twice a week once all of my regularly scheduled primetime shows are in full swing. That’s annoying. So is moving FRINGE to Thursday’s against SUPERNATURAL (Grey’s, CSI, The Office and 3 Rock)… seriously? Not pleased.

FOX PRIMETIME SCHEDULE: FALL 2009
MONDAY
8:00-9:00 PM HOUSE
9:00-10:00 PM LIE TO ME

TUESDAY
8:00-10:00 PM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Performance Show

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Results Show
9:00-10:00 PM GLEE

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 PM BONES
9:00-10:00 PM FRINGE

FRIDAY
8:00-8:30 PM BROTHERS
8:30-9:00 PM ‘TIL DEATH
9:00-10:00 PM DOLLHOUSE

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 PM COPS
8:30-9:00 PM COPS
9:00-10:00 PM AMERICA’S MOST WANTED
11:00 PM-Midnight THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title)
Midnight-12:30 AM ; ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES

SUNDAY
7:00-8:00 PM THE OT (NFL post-game)
8:00-8:30 PM THE SIMPSONS
8:30-9:00 PM THE CLEVELAND SHOW
9:00-9:30 PM FAMILY GUY
9:30-10:00 PM AMERICAN DAD

FOX PRIMETIME SCHEDULE: MIDSEASON 2010
MONDAY
8:00-9:00 PM HOUSE
9:00-10:00 PM 24

TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM AMERICAN IDOL Performance Show
9:00-10:00 PM PAST LIFE

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM AMERICAN IDOL Results Show
9:00-10:00 PM HUMAN TARGET (January) / GLEE (spring)

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 PM BONES
9:00-10:00 PM FRINGE

FRIDAY
8:00-8:30 PM BROTHERS
8:30-9:00 PM ‘TIL DEATH
9:00-10:00 PM DOLLHOUSE

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 PM COPS
8:30-9:00 PM COPS
9:00-10:00 PM AMERICA’S MOST WANTED
11:00 PM-Midnight THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title)
Midnight-12:30 AM ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES

SUNDAY
7:00-7:30 PM ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES
7:30-8:00 PM AMERICAN DAD
8:00-8:30 PM THE SIMPSONS
8:30-9:00 PM SONS OF TUCSON
9:00-9:30 PM FAMILY GUY
9:30-10:00 PM THE CLEVELAND SHOW

Here is a sneak peek at FOX’s 2009/2010 new show HUMAN TARGET starring Mark Valley, Chi McBride and Jackie Earle Haley. Looks like the pilot also features BATTLESTAR’s Tricia Helfer! Hey now…

HUMAN TARGET premieres January 2010 and will air Wednesday’s at 9pm on FOX

HUMAN TARGET Preview:

HUMAN TARGET Synopsis:
It takes a brave, selfless man to make himself a “human target” in order to save the lives of those in danger.

Based on the popular DC Comics comic book and graphic novel, HUMAN TARGET is a full-throttle action drama centered on CHRISTOPHER CHANCE (Mark Valley, FRINGE), a unique private contractor/security guard hired to protect.

Call him what you like, because for Chance, it’s about one thing only: saving his clients’ lives. When there is an unusual or imminent threat that can’t be solved through “normal” means of protection, Chance is hired to completely integrate himself into his clients’ lives – to become the human target. If you’re a corporate manager whose disgruntled employee has gone violently off the deep end, Chance is your new auditor. If you’re the president of a bank who’s been tipped off to a potential heist, Chance is your unassuming bank teller.

During each job, Chance, assisted by his business partner WINSTON (Chi McBride, “Pushing Daisies”) and hired gun GUERRERO (Jackie Earle Haley, “Watchmen”), puts himself directly in the line of fire as he races against time to save his client, while unraveling the truth behind the mission. With every new danger, Chance’s dark history will also unravel. Does anyone know who Christopher Chance really is, or what secrets lay buried in his past? What would make a man willingly become a HUMAN TARGET?

HUMAN TARGET is a production of Bonanza Productions Inc. in association with Wonderland Sound and Vision, DC Comics and Warner Bros. Television. Jon Steinberg (“Jericho”), McG (“Terminator Salvation”), Simon West (“Con Air,” “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”) and Brad Kern (“Charmed”) serve as executive producers. Peter Johnson (“Chuck”) is a co-executive producer. West directed the pilot.