Hell has frozen over, planets have collided, frogs have fallen from the sky, and rivers are running red because Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have reunited for another season of debauchery on The Simple Life.
This season, the girls have made up and are heading to summer camp! I know what you’re thinking… Nicole Richie around a bunch of horny camp kids? The boys will be making out with each other and going gay, the girls will be getting lessons on driving down the freeway in the wrong direction, and the counselors will be sexually molested. But much to my delight (and slight dismay) the first set of campers the girls encounter at Camp Shawnee (Smith?) are all adults.
I almost died though when it was revealed that it was Fat Camp. These adults are coming to Camp Shawnee for inspiration, motivation, and discipline to help them change their lifestyle habits and to lose weight.
One of the heavier woman nailed it on the head when she stepped off the bus and saw paper thin Nicole Richie and that sad sack of gonorrhea potatoes Paris Hilton standing there. “Oh Hell No!”
Right? Seriously…
You’d think this is a recipe for disaster. Not only are Paris and Nicole taking over someone’s summer camp, they’re now going to help counsel overweight adults when they can barely take anything seriously? Surprisingly, they took to the task with amazing maturity.
Okay, mature for them… they had to give colonics to all the campers and at first it was gross and they didn’t want to do it but after the first camper they were more than willing to shove a plastic tube up someones ass. Nicole had to hold huge butt cheeks open for insertion, she told one guy that it wasn’t any worse than getting anal and when he said he’d never had anal she said, “Oh I assumed you swung both ways.” It got a chuckle and his cheeks spread like the red sea! Too bad Paris is on a ladder holding the huge bag of fluids and taking pictures of their big bare asses with Nicole posing next to them. I was rolling!
The show is at its best when Nicole is being her wise cracking, prank playing, crazy self and when there is as little Paris Hilton as possible. Unfortunatly the show continues to try and make Paris into a real human being with real feelings and to put her up on a pedestal in order to make Nicole look like the devil (which she sometimes is). Luckily, they balance each other out somewhat and continue to bring me laughs.
Within seconds of meeting the family that runs Shawnee, she tells their 10 year old son he’s Sexual and calls the hot buff head counselor her requisite “Hey Bitch!” These people never see it coming and that makes me laugh!
There’s actually a touching moment between some of the overweight campers and Nicole where they grill her about her weight issues and the tabloids. She comes clean about her weight issues, the reasons and once again claims it has nothing to do with an eating disorder. I for one believe her, but I also have a soft spot for her. It was a sweet moment and she gained trust from these people and from then on, they were their friends and helping the campers break into a pad locked fridge and all.
Wait, did I mention that Susan Powter from the 90s, crazy shaved head Susan Powter is at the Camp too? Yeah, that’s her in the picture up top to the left. A little different, no? Go Girl with that crazy and the tattoos!
In case there’s any questions, this is Nicole’s show. She’s the smart one, the funny one, the willing one, the outgoing one. Paris is just a follower and a dead piece of pretty skin hung on some worthless bones. I’m happy these girls made up only so I get more Nicole Richie in my life. Is that wrong?
The Simple Life is back and it’s sure to be a summer of immoral campfires and devil’s smores. Grab your sleeping bag and settle in.
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